Road Work Ahead? uh, yeah I sure hope it does
by The Infallible Angel
Summary: Social Media Modern College AU with the Death Eaters


_Tom Riddle_ to _Knights of Walpurgis_ : So Bella has been taking offense to being part of a group entitled 'Knights of Walpurgis'

 _Bella_ _trix Black_ : who wouldnt

 _Abraxas_ _Malfoy_ : but knights of walpurgis is a cool play on walpurgis night! everyone loves puns

 _Theodore Nott_ : smh I can't believe you're 20

 _Bellatrix Black_ : ur dumb puns may have been okay when it was just u idiots and Tom but now that im here it wont do this isnt the 1940s

 _Tom Riddle_ : So we're now taking suggestions for new names.

* * *

 _Tom Riddle_ to _Hermione Granger_ : You have no idea what I have to deal with.

 _Tom_ : They're all idiots.

 _Tom_ : How much longer until your shift is done?

 _Hermione_ : 23 minutes.

 _Tom_ : Can't believe you insist on working.

 _Hermione_ : I cant take Brax's money if I'm dating you

 _Hermione_ : maybe once we break up I'll allow Brax to become my sugar daddy

 _Tom_ : Ha! Bold of you to assume he wouldn't ask me out the moment I was single.

 _Hermione_ : then I get Bella

 _Tom_ : Don't be silly everyone knows Bella's in love with me.

 _Hermione_ : you can't spare 1 person from your harem for your girlfriend? I have a cat I need to feed

 _Tom_ : Fine you can take Nott.

 _Hermione_ : he's asexual

 _Tom_ : Exactly.

* * *

 _Hermione Granger_ to _Tom's secret party_ : any one of you near the coffee shop I work at?

 _Bellatrix Black_ : ew no it smells

 _Hermione_ : the smell is coffee, Bella that's what it's supposed to smell like

 _Hermione_ : anyway I saw this cool book nearby

 _Theodore Nott_ : nerd

 _Hermione_ : it's got emeralds on it and would make a great present for Tom

 _Abraxas Malfoy_ : Granger we all bought gifts months back

 _Hermione_ : What? What did you get him?

 _Bellatrix_ : vacation

 _Regulus Black_ : vip concert tickets

 _Abraxas_ : a couple bottles of that fancy wine he loves

 _Hermione_ : traitors

 _Theodore_ : first edition of a book he wanted

 _Hermione_ : who's the nerd now?

* * *

 _Bellatrix Black_ to _Rodolphus Lestrange_ : I dont wanna go for that dumb marvel movie

 _Bellatrix_ : I dont like any of those movies

 _Rodolphous_ : watch the venom trailer

 _Bellatrix_ : I change my mind I want the best tickets for venom's opening night

 _Bellatrix_ : you know exactly what I like ily babe

* * *

 _Abraxas Malfoy_ to _No Brax we cant be called Wildcats_ : snakes cant drink coffee bc it makes them viperactive

 _Regulus Black_ : Quality 3 am chat

 _Theodore Nott_ : what are you both both doing awake we have a test on transducers tomorrow

 _Abraxas_ : Theo if you look really hard at your question you'll find it answers itself

* * *

 _Hermione Granger_ to _Tom Riddle_ : I think Bella just propositioned me

 _Tom_ : Just now?

 _Hermione_ : yep for notes about Othello

 _Tom_ : Wow Reg was right, you really were her last resort.

 _Hermione_ : you know what? When we break up im going to take her up on that you dick

 _Tom_ : She'll dump you once she figures out law students don't have notes on Classic Lit.

* * *

 _Regulus Black_ to _hsm 2 is the best one_ : Brax are you holding the christmas dinner this year or should I?

 _Theodore Nott_ : I thought I was doing that?

 _Abraxas Malfoy_ : no theo ur doing the end of finals party

 _Abraxas_ : i'll do the christmas dinner

 _Regulus_ : fine i'll do new year's

 _Bellatrix Black_ : why wasnt I asked to do a celebration?

 _Regulus_ : Bella we're cousins

 _Bellatrix_ : so? cant believe my family and friends are sexist

 _Rodulphus Lestrange_ : if Reg's doing new year's you'll be doing it too love

 _Bellatrix_ : i'd still liked to be asked

 _Abraxas_ : fine gdi, Bella you wanna do new years?

 _Bellatrix_ : not really

 _Regulus_ : are you fucking kidding me

 _Theodore_ : lol rip Brax

* * *

 _Tom Riddle_ to _finals more like bye-nals_ : turn down despacito, a pre finals celebration isnt a real thing

 _Abraxas Malfoy_ : despacito is a great song it motivates me

 _Abraxas_ : it's the new gasolina

 _Rabastan Lestrange_ : lol despacito wishes it was gasolina

 _Abraxas_ : Rab you rat! I thought you liked despacito

 _Regulus Black_ : this is so sad Alexa play despacito

 _Tom_ : Don't you dare

 _Rabastan_ : ooh toms really annoyed he didnt even use a full stop

 _Tom_ : Don't pretend you know what a full stop is.

* * *

 _Hermione Granger_ to _Tom Riddle_ : come over my ethics prof is an arsehole who disagrees with everything I say and he's going to give me a failing grade I just know it

 _Hermione_ : Do that thing where you make everything better and less terrible by not doing anything

 _Tom_ : Be there in 5. Make me some tea? I'll pick up milk.

 _Hermione_ : okay

* * *

 _Theodore Nott_ to _Hermione cant draw_ : So hermione will be getting tom to brax's before we all go to reg's for new years

 _Hermione Granger_ : yes, do you'll want me to pick up some beer or something on the way?

 _Abraxas Malfoy_ : please do not, you dont have a good taste in alcohol

 _Hermione_ : I'm uninviting you to Tom's birthday

 _Abraxas_ : it's at my house

 _Regulus Black_ : I'm willing to host

 _Abraxas_ : Et tu Brute

 _Hermione_ : dont google shakespeare to make me re-invite you

 _Hermione_ : though you did get the usage correct, so kudos!

* * *

 _Theodore Nott_ to _the snack that bites back_ : Wow that embedded controller final sure was hard

 _Regulus Black_ : Theo… it was on analog circuits

 _Theodore_ : gfdi

* * *

 _Tom Riddle_ to _Hermione Granger_ : I bought some earl grey tea for your apartment since you don't have any good tea.

 _Hermione_ : god, you're so pretentious I love you

 _Tom_ : Now that you have adequate tea, I love you too.

* * *

 _Theodore Nott_ to _Hermione Granger_ : forgot to let you know but im throwing the after finals party

 _Hermione_ : you want me to bring anything?

 _Theo_ : I ordered a bottle of peach schnapps for me pick it up on the way?

 _Hermione_ : done, anything else?

 _Theo_ : no but dont drink it

 _Hermione_ : you're literally the only person i know who drinks peach schnapps theo, it's disgusting

 _Theo_ : once you realise that whiskey tasted like dog piss then you will be enlightened

 _Hermione_ : it's not enlightenment when you 'see a new colour' its a severe lack of sleep

* * *

 _Bellatrix Black_ to _death has passed us_ : So we're a no on the fire eaters for new years?

 _Regulus Black_ : we can't have open flame around mum's tapestries Bella

 _Tom Riddle_ : Bella curb your impulses, you can set things on fire later.

 _Bellatrix_ : aw you guys are no fun

 _Theodore Nott_ : Bella your definition of fun will send you to prison one day

* * *

 _Abraxas Malfoy_ to _Snack Eaters_ : do'nt be late to my christmas dinner

 _Rodulphus Lestrange_ : how are you not hung over?

 _Abraxas_ : another of many ways god has blessed me

 _Abraxas_ : besides, I didn't drink as much as you Rod

 _Bellatrix Black_ : you didn't need to, you still cried when you saw Hermione's hair

 _Abraxas_ : she didn't even try to straighten it

 _Tom Riddle_ : It takes hours to straighten and the party started as soon as the paper was done?

 _Abraxas_ : she has so much potential, I cant even, a little mousse would also help

* * *

 _Hermione Granger_ to _mcr posted to their yt and im not okay_ : Operation tom's secret party is a go

 _Hermione_ : we'll be done in like 30 mins then I'll get him

 _Hermione_ : stop seening me you dicks

 _Bellatrix_ : u are what you eat

* * *

 _Tom Riddle_ to _Hermione Grager_ : I'm tired of my birthday party, you want to make out in Brax's bedroom?

 _Hermione_ : see you there in 5

 _Tom_ : I do love you.


End file.
